Monday, May 18, 2009

Ways to Irk a Pregnant Woman

Paola posted this a little while ago, and I got a kick out of it. How true it is.

101 ways to IRK a pregnant woman...

Are you pregnant, have been pregnant, or known someone who is pregnant? If yes, then you're eligible to participate in this risk-free study (you were supposed to read that in your best infomercial voice).
Seriously though, I'm trying to make a list of sorts, and I'd like your help. I'd like to make a list of statements that completes this sentence:
If you want to IRK a pregnant woman, then you should...

Good times. Please help and add to it! The goal is to get to 101 (or more!)...
So, in the name of light-hearted pregnancy woes, I introduce to you my list (so far!)...

1. smell like a human. (Poor Jason. I can't stand the smell of him any more.)
2. hit the car breaks in anyway other than smoothly and slowly.
3. say "Oh wow! When are you due?" (translation: You're HUGE! When are you due?)
4. not follow her directions EXACTLY as she says.
5. ask her "What's wrong?". Go ahead. I dare you to ask her that one more time. (Answer: I'm still PREGNANT.)
6. interpret her pregnancy for her (i.e. It's not that bad or maybe you just need to...).
7. breath on her.
8. eat her last low-fat-chocolate-pudding snack that she's been saving all week.
9. point out that she's being unreasonable.
10. discuss whether she's having a "false alarm" or not when she has asked you to pull the car over (to puke). (Reality: It doesn't matter if it's a false alarm or not. The woman wants you to pull over.)
11. accidentally wake her up in the middle of the night by moving around (Problem: she probably has pregnancy insomnia and can't fall back asleep. EVER.)
12. ask her why she's so tired.
13. tell her how tired YOU are at the end of the day.
14. ask her (thus reminding her) "how much longer do you have?" every time you see her.
15. switch to a new cologne with out consulting her.
16. disobey her.
17. don't pay attention.
18. bring her home some ice cream (Are you crazy!? Are you trying to get me fat?! I already am stressed about loosing this baby weight! You know I'll eat the whole thing! How could you...?)
19. don't bring home ice cream or some other delicious treat... don't you realize how bad these cravings are?
20. in the middle of the night, wake up slowly when she jerks awake needing you to help her out of a major leg/foot cramp or charlie horse.
21. tell her how bad your back hurts...or your legs...or your head...or...
22. leave stuff on the floor so that she ends up picking it up (darn kids!)
23. have an opinion of your own that differs from hers.
24. rub her belly (this is actually okay to do to Paola {and Suzanna}, but not okay for many-a-preggie lady)
25. run into her and break her stride as she hobbles from one store aisle to the next.
26. forget to frequently tell her how great she looks.
27. stare at her belly.
28. stare or *even worse* verbally take note of how much food she's eating.
29. complain that her 3 (plus) pillows are hogging the bed. I'd like to see you try and get comfortable with that belly!
30. have her meet another woman who "never got morning sickness" and who just "loves" being pregnant.
31. tell her to calm down.


Melissa C said...

You should add, "You don't even look pregnant" This is the worst thing to have people say to you after you have gained enough weight to not fit into your regular clothes, but not big enough for maternity. It made me just feel fat instead of pregant everytime someone would tell me that. Why can't people just say, "you look great" instead. I was always tempted to ask the person, "So, I just look fat then to you?", but I never did because I know they meant it in a good way.

Mumsy said...

having your husband tell everyone that having a baby is no big thing and that his wife just pops the baby out easily! Yeh, right!

Erin and Family said...

i'm glad to know i'm somewhat normal:). because i'm been irked by "more than one" of those comments:)

ML said...

#13 and #21 were the worst when Hubby would come home.

ML said...

OK, I thought of a few. True conversations I had:

"Are you having twins?"
"You look like you are going to have twins. You must have really huge babies."
No, actually my biggest baby has been less than 8 pounds.
NEVER ask a woman if she is having twins!!!

"You're not going to have that baby right here in church today are you?"
What? No, I'm not due for 2 1/2 months.
"Wow, you look so big already"

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! Thanks for that reminder.